Why go mobile when you can go back to being wired and stationary?
Here at Logic HQ, we’ve decided to ditch our iPads and smartphones for wired desktops and dial-up (see image). We’ve come to realize that nobody uses mobile technology.
We even discarded our office phones and banned email. The primary means of communication in the office will be paper-based. Now it will only take up to two weeks to send letters to our China offices. Logic Analysts predict immediate increases in productivity and communication.
Our biggest spring cleaning will be with our mobile sales system, Showcase. Since mobile is obviously outdated, we will be equipping our clients with the new 1990s-inspired “Retro Showcase,” complete with two large briefcases to hold all your printed catalogs, paper order forms, poster board presentations, display boards, marketing brochures, notebooks, printed spreadsheet forms, and more! Now you’ll never need to worry about making a first impression again, although we recommend a larger vehicle when traveling to hold all your materials.
In addition, our clients reported saving up to 90 minutes a day using Showcase for the iPad. With our new strategy of ditching mobile technology we are giving those 90 minutes of work back to you. Think of all the number crunching and paperwork you can deal with now! Our skilled researchers at Logic calculated that by ditching mobile, you can earn 3,000 additional hours of work per month! The benefits of “staying stationary” clearly outweigh those of going mobile.
We’ve reported multiple times that 94% of Fortune 500 companies are either testing or deploying tablets. Don’t make the same mistake as Fortune 500 companies. Look at failing companies that have been trying to push mobile technology such as Apple and Google. How many people do you honestly know that still have an iPhone or use Google as their primary search engine?
You can thank me now for saving your company. So on this first day of the fourth month, let us begin a new strategy of staying stationary. If you would like to learn more please write to:
2929 Plymouth Road,
Ann Arbor, MI 48105
Furthermore, this will be my last online blog post. My new Logic Weekly newspaper will be released every Monday. Please allow a few days for delivery (sorry, but no international delivery will be available).